Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts

Monday, April 21, 2014

Traditional easter basket hunt

Hello, easter just passed and I would like to share my family tradition. Ever since I saw it on a blog two years ago I've been doing it with my own spin to it of course. First you can make as many steps to try to make em find the location. Which is basically like check the tub or look under the bed. And upon the second to last clue write you're almost close! Put where to go next and bam they find their basket in a secret spot.
Here's the photos and hope it inspires others for next year to make the basket giving part just a little more interesting. Enjoy.

Thursday, March 27, 2014

My collage wall

After two days of working on putting the final pieces together on my collage wall, it finally happened. Even with a teething 4 month old and a bunch of cabin fevered kids, I accomplished it. My good friend Sheila helped so much on putting it all together after I had painted and put everything together onto the canvas and frames. I'm eternally grateful for her wisdom and input, if not I wouldn't have ever accomplished it and it would still all be sitting in the box from when I had purchased it all. Can you believe this all came from a thrift store? Best believe it did! Minus the canvas which I got on a sale at Michael's Craft Store, everything else was repurposed.

With a lil paint and spray paint and some imagination this all came together in more ways than I could have ever expected. Enjoy the photographs.

Xo, Vanessa







Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Printables for my new home



I went on pininterest and just searched for tons of printables for my home. I even created one with our birthdays and wedding date with our last name on micro soft word. I will update this blog once I have purchased frames and have placed em on the walls. I'm going to spray pain all the wooden frames gold cuz that's the accent color I want on my walls in my new home. Moving this weekend so stay tuned to all the wonderful decorations I have in store to show you all my readers and on my journey to a new stage of our lives. 

Xo, Vanessa 


Friday, November 15, 2013

poem- vicious poison

these words that penetrate deeper then you can ever understand
like vicious poison they enter my veins
embracing every single part of my body 
entering my fragile heart that has already endured so much more than others
what do i do 
tears overwhelming my face
nothing stops the tears
this sadness engulfs my every being
i try to swim away 
to climb away 
yet here i stay 
trapped
sinking further and further
wishing for a friend to release a rope 
to help me 
just pull me out of this 
but what is a friend
nothing but disappointments
only come around when it conveniences em 
how much more can i take 
spiraling 
tumbling 
down a whirl wind of endless mindless bullshit
wanting someone to just listen 
and not throw stuff in my face
make me feel worse
words slice threw my soul never to be repaired again
amongst the billions of other scars that are covered up 
hidden from the public 
from family 
from these fake as friends
what is love when the one you love doesn't want to understand
doesn't try to 
doesn't want to 
doesn't seem to listen to your cries
hopeless 
this vicious poison has engulfed me 
loneliness so overwhelming
lost
lost Lil girl once again
trapped in my own emotional box
my own emotional turmoil
oh vicious poison i am not thankful of you
how do i rid this all 
how do i surpass all this 
feeling like the walls are closing in 
like every step forward is 100 backwards
insecurities eating away at me as well
what to do 
no one to turn to 
no one understand 
oh vicious poison of words 
watch what u say to fragile soul like me 
i can easily break like a egg shell
no one understands 
thank you vicious poison for making everything that much less more difficult...

x, Vanessa 

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Kaylee's Journey- my labor and delivery story

October 26 I was scheduled to be induced due to issues I was having that I won't go into details with because it is personal. 
It was a cold fall morning and as we drove to the hospital I was excited and nervous. The past 9 months were hard and was beyond different than my other three children.
The doctor checked me and I still hadn't dilated so she explained my cons to the induction yet we went with it to end my suffering due to fibromyalgia and herniated disk.
18 hours of an up and down roller coaster. It was a very devastating ride that I wish never to go on again or wish it upon anyone else. I had dilated to 6 cm when suddenly her heart began dropping. They took off the pitocin had me change positions and stopped the epidural. Then they had me on oxygen without removing it because my oxygen level got dangerously low and I felt like an elephant sat on my chest. 
Around 1 am they said let's get ready to push. Something in me felt wrong. I told the nurse something's wrong. The doctor persisted I push because it was time but yet I was severely exhausted and couldn't really catch my breath. 
I pushed and pushed and baby wouldn't crown or come down. 
I began to cry as I heard her heart stop several times and they told me last try to push if you don't do it we have to do a c section because baby is in danger. I said she's not going to come I'm pushing something's wrong. 
I looked at Steven with tears and just wept and told him let them save her. 
They wheeled me off running because baby heart dropped and stopped and would go then stop. 
As they prepped me for the c section I felt a cloud over me, a misty cloud. 
I suddenly lost every lil bit of strength I had. I said where's Steven? The nurse rubbed my head and said he's in his way. 
Little did I know while he got prepped to come into the operating room my daughter was struggling to live and he was struggling to stay strong and hoping he didn't lose his girls.
As they proceeded to open me up I felt super cold, nothing the nurse did even with a warmer kept me warm. 
Kaylee didn't cry when they pulled her out. 
The cord was wrapped tightly around her neck.
My doctor said that explains everything. 
Steven stared into my eyes and said she's out. I was like what she means that explains it, what is she talking about why isn't she crying? 
They put her on the table and everything got so foggy I just couldn't focus. 
I couldn't bare to turn my head and hear that she wasn't crying so I just stared off into the fog and wanted to slip into. I whispered please god let her cry.
I closed my eyes and I cried and suddenly my baby girl cried, and I heard her and every hopeless feeling that was about to engulf me just vanished, 
I turned my head and saw her long arms and legs moving about, and he looked at me from where she was and he said she's beautiful you did it babe.
Weighing in at 7 lbs my baby was here. Her brush with death left and so did the foggy cloud. 
Little did I know I had lost 1/3 of my blood. 
They continued to examine her and didn't bring her to me. They notified him that she needed to go to the nicu.
I felt my heart suddenly get heavy and that fog come rolling in again. They brought her over to me I gave her a kiss and off she went to continue her battle while I fought my own.
He stood by me and comforted me. I felt strange on so many different levels of emotions I couldn't even grasp hold of an emotion.
As they took me into recovery I just wanted to see my baby. I had to wait two hours to visit her in the nicu for only a few minutes. I wouldn't see her again for another 12 hours. 
Those 12 hours were the longest because that's when they notified us about the cord and how she swallowed some of her own feces that had affected her breathing.
The following three days she struggled to transition from womb breathing to real air breathing. Seeing my baby that sick the first day felt like my world tumbled but I couldn't lose faith nor hope. I started the has tag on my Instagram #prayersforkayreyes. Seeing only lil results from fellow followers and friends was also an emotional toll. 
No one knew why I asked for this because it was all too soon to say.
I didn't want to announce anything then have to announce bad news to anyone so I didn't post her photos into after her first day of grave danger and we knew she was off oxygen and was going to survive. 
I never lost hope in kaylee. I stood by her side and regardless of having had surgery 12 hours from having I managed to be with her regardless of my pain, regardless of my exhaustion. I refused to not let her see or feel my love. 
The second day was hard, they had out her on a feeding tube threw her nose. I felt like why must she go threw more? I was angry because that delayed her release out of the nicu with all her results coming back well, seeing her with more wires was not what I needed to see.
Seeing her smile and hearing her cry was more than enough to fuel the energy I needed despite losing so much blood that they wanted to give me a blood transfusion yet I refused because I knew it would just take more time away from her. 
The third day I guess she got tired of being weak that she took it upon herself to pull the feeding tube off. They gave her a bottle and she proved em wrong by devouring it. And now I know that she's just as much a fighter as me! 
My breathing will never be the same I lost ten percent of it, my blood will recuperate with a good diet and gods help. Yet my happiness has tripled in size because god let my baby girl live and let me live as well to be the perfect mother and best mother for her. 
This was our journey. Our story.... Kaylee and mommy, fighters together till the end. 

Before  everything took a toll for the worse


How she looked after being born and her brush with death.

12 hours later!

Second day another turn 

Third day fully recovered. With much prayers and mommy never leaving her side. 

Thank you all for reading our story and for taking the time to get to know US. 








Monday, September 9, 2013

Our back to school

Back to school finally came around in our neck of the woods. Can I just add that I was super excited to get the two smaller ones out the house? Not because of their behavior but because last year I homeschooled all three last year and it was tougher than I had ever anticipated. They missed the social part of it and so they decided to go back to public while my oldest stood in the homeschool (hence I don't mind). Here's our photos of our first day. I had wanted to print signs but with low ink and low funds I opted in using the marker board this time. Sometimes this mommy has to make the best of what she has on hand and not freak out. Hope everyone enjoyed their first day of school and all the stay at home moms take advantage like I am. Xo